Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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