Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
