grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
