Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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