Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
