you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
