Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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