Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you had me at cake vodka
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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