I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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