Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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