the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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