so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
