Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
