umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
