My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
