Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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