Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
