I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
