FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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