your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
