apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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