I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
