Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize