remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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