do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
