I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
