you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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