I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
