it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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