she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
