I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
