I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
