I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
