my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
