I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
