dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
