This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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