Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
