She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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