She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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