THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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