I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
