So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
