we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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