I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
