You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
