Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
