this beer tastes like vomit already
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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