Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
