THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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