Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
