you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
