I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
