I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize