She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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