at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
