apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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