Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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