What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
