You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
