; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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