Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
