I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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