69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
