he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
