Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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