Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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