I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do herpes really smell.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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