I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
