So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
