There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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