Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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