But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize