Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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