We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
