my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
