The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
