I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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