I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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