i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
