Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your penis caused this!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
