Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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