Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
