hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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