its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Fuck appropriateness.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
