if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
