I hope mine doesn't look like that
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
