it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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