i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
