ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
