Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
