i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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