Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
