One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
