she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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