Someone shit on the floor
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
