So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
