Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
