dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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