If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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