now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
