She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
