Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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