I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
