Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
