Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
