if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
